CONFRONTING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN SAME SEX COUPLES

Domestic violence in relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual has always been a hush-hush affair kept away from open discussion.

However, recent trends and rising cases of domestic violence mean its implications and its consequences cannot be ignored any longer.

In the past few years there have been concerted efforts to tackle domestic abuse directly, though perhaps the focus has been more on heterosexual relationships. This has meant that there has been a significant gap in information when it comes to abuse in same sex unions.

A recent discussion on a queer mail-list brought the attention of the subscribers to a situation between two Kenyan lesbians in a lovers tiff turned nasty mudslinging. There were all sorts of allegations and insinuations about unwanted attention and public confrontations nevertheless subscribers did not get an opportunity to hear both sides of the story.

Despite the fact that the mailing list may not have been most appropriate forum for their personal issues to be aired, the subject did raise alarm bells about just how much domestic abuse we face in Africa among the LGBTI community and how are we tackling it.

What seems startling is how the issue of violence and abuse is often trivialized or becomes the subject of ridicule and mockery among peers.

Two lesbians, Thuli Rudd and Pitseng Vilakati made headlines in Swaziland in August 2010 by announcing their engagement. In spite of being under the public spotlight in a fairly small country and facing a lot of homophobia, the two stood proud of their relationship and upcoming nuptials.

However there was a massive media frenzy when Pitseng Vilakati?s body had was found dead about three months later. Until her death, Pitseng was a human rights activist advocating for the rights of the LGBT community as well as those living with HIV and Aids. Almost a week after the death her partner Thuli Rudd was arrested and charged with the murder of her partner. The case is still on going.

http://www.mask.org.za/swaziland-lesbian-murder-case-%E2%80%93-partner-still-in-custody/

According to a report by Russell Jenkins in The Times of London, same sex abuse is more discreet because many victims are fearful of reporting the incidents to the authorities. Research suggests that a higher number of gays and lesbians live in fear of an abusive and dominant partner than was previously thought.

The report also highlighted the story of Claire Turner, 37 and founder of a support group for victims of domestic abuse in Manchester. She described how she was trapped in an abusive relationship over three years.

She said: ?I really believed at the time that women were great and incapable of being anything but nice to each other. But you come to realise that anybody in society has the potential to behave badly. As a result you end up thinking that society will not think it serious enough because it was another woman who perpetrated the abuse. I did not report it.

?She tried to strangle me to death because I said I was leaving. Throughout the whole relationship there had been threats of the kind ?I?ll kill you if you leave. I will never let you get away?.?

An organization called Another Closet, based in Australia has taken the initiative to tackle domestic violence in gay and lesbian relationships. On their website they have gone through a several issues surrounding violence, its characteristics, legal implications whether the abuse is physical or emotional in nature. A few questions on the checklist include:

Domestic violence can take many forms. To assess your relationship, answer the following questions.

Does your partner:

• Humiliate you, call you names or make fun of you in a way that is designed to hurt you?
• Threaten to ?out? you to your family or work?
• Prevent you from attending gay/lesbian or other events or venues?
• Have sudden outbursts of anger?
• Act over-protective and become jealous for no reason?
• Make it difficult, or prevent you, from seeing friends or family?
• Control your money against your will?
• Threaten you with violence or hit, kick or throw things at you?
• Physically or emotionally hurt your children?
• Hurt your pets?
• Force you to engage in sexual acts that you aren?t comfortable with?

Or do you:

• Change your behaviour or your appearance so your partner doesn?t get angry?
• Avoid talking about money or other topics?
• Feel scared, anxious or like you are ?walking on eggshells??
• Cut yourself off from your friends or family?

Source: http://www.anothercloset.com.au/

If you may have answered yes to any of these questions then you may need to asses your relationship and seek help or counsel on how to come out of the pattern of abuse. The LGBTI movement needs to find ways to provide comprehensive help for victims of this form of abuse to avoid further isolation.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 17th, 2011 at 12:51 pm and is filed under Breaking News, Features, Human Rights Monitor, Kenya. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Source: http://www.mask.org.za/confronting-domestic-violence-in-same-sex-couples/

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